The 20-Year-Old Who Wanted a Vasectomy: And What It Says About Society

A YOUNG MAN came to my clinic this week with a surprising request: he wanted a vasectomy.

He wasn’t married. He didn’t have children. He was just 20 years old.

His reason? His partner couldn’t tolerate hormonal contraception, and barrier methods felt unreliable. So he decided that the “sensible” thing was to be sterilised.

I asked him about children. He didn’t want any. Not now, not ever. Too expensive. Too stressful. Too inconvenient. Not with this partner. Not with anyone.

The usual request comes from older, married men who’ve completed their families. But never someone this young. It left me with a deeper question:

What kind of society makes a 20-year-old see children as a threat instead of a joy?

Children: Blessing or Burden?

In liberal, secular societies, the decision to have children is no longer seen as a natural part of adulthood — it has become a calculated financial risk.

Can we afford children? Will they impact our careers? Can we still holiday? Do we have enough space? Will they limit our freedom?

These are all natural questions that arise from an individualistic view of life. But that view also teaches that the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many. That greed is good. That marriage is outdated. That parenthood is optional (or even a burden).

The result? A society where freedom is high, but fulfilment is low.

The Statistics are Damning

We are experiencing a quiet breakdown in society:

-1 in 7 people in the UK now live alone (ONS, 2023), and loneliness is now a recognised public health crisis (NHS)

-Birth rates have dropped 36% since 1970 (World Bank)

-The UK fertility rate is now 1.49 children per woman (far below the replacement level of 2.1)

-Marriage rates have more than halved since the 1970s

British society is growing old. According to the Office of National Statistics (2024):

There are grave consequences to this shift in demographics. Fewer young people means fewer workers, leading to lower economic output and fewer people to support the growing number of pensioners. Health and social care systems come under more pressure with an ageing population. Inevitably, there is increased demand for foreign labour to cover the shortfall

It is thus ironic that whilst politicians shout “Stop the boats!”, they quietly grant work visas. The truth is that Britain relies on migrants because its birth rate is too low to support itself.

The Societal Cost of Liberalism

Liberalism promises freedom, but it has a high cost for society.

It is a truth that every man, woman, or child wants to feel wanted, loved, and protected.

These are basic human needs. But in secular systems, they are traded away for career goals, convenience, or fleeting freedoms.

Relationships have become algorithms on an app. Sex is recreational, devoid of responsibility. Families are optional. Even same-sex marriages, a yardstick of liberalism, add nothing to the birth rate.

What remains is a system that offers freedom, but no direction. Choice without meaning.

Islamic Social Structure: Family First

In Islam, children aren’t seen as costs — they are seen as gifts.

Every child comes with their own rizq (provision). Allah says:

وَلَا تَقْتُلُوٓا۟ أَوْلَـٰدَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلَـٰقٍۢ ۖ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْـًۭٔا كَبِيرًۭا

Do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely killing them is a heinous sin. (al Isra 31)

The idea that children are “too expensive” to have doesn’t dominate Muslim thinking.

Even in war-torn Gaza, amidst unimaginable hardship, people are still having children. Not because they’re unaware of suffering, but because they believe deeply in a higher purpose, hope, and continuity of Allah’s Worship through the next generation.

This Islamic worldview has always been a source of fear amongst the colonialists.

For decades in the Muslim world (as well as the Global South), the West has striven hard to maintain its hegemony through UN and World Bank policies, and NGOs to limit the population through a mix of cultural (women’s education promoting feminism and materialism) and economic impositions. In Africa, for instance, amidst all the poverty, it is easier to get contraception from a UN-run clinic than malaria tablets.

Even in the West, Muslims are seen as a threat, and we see Right-wing politicians weaponising Muslim birth rates, turning them into a symbol of cultural fear: ‘the Muslims are taking over the country’.

But let’s be honest, the real issue isn’t Muslims having too many children. It’s that much of the West has stopped having any.

Time to Speak With Confidence

Muslims in the West and across the world have to stop being on the defensive and must stand proudly for what we believe in.

We believe in a system that sees children as blessings, not burdens. Marriage as a stabilising force. The elderly as honoured, not discarded. Family as the core of a healthy society

It offers a compelling alternative to a culture that offers isolation, anxiety, and despair.

وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ قَوْلًۭا مِّمَّن دَعَآ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ وَعَمِلَ صَـٰلِحًۭا وَقَالَ إِنَّنِى مِنَ ٱلْمُسْلِمِينَ

And whose words are better than someone who calls (others) to Allah, does good, and says, “I am truly one of those who submit.”? (Fussilat 33)